Lately I have been going through a self-destructive funk. Basically, I do the very opposite of what I want to do. Which makes me feel worse about myself, and get generally discouraged about life. And so the cycle continues. WHY!?!?!
Then on Sunday I got to talk to a dear, dear friend about these and many other heart issues. We eventually got to the whole singleness issue. (Sorry to you married folks...suffer along with me.) Ugh.
She has a lot more to hope on than me, but it is still hard to not worry there is something wrong with you. I know there is nothing good, nothing worthy about me. It's only through Christ that I am compete, worthy, and acceptable. And it is only through His GRACE and undeserved favor that I will ever get married. Unfortunately for me, knowing all good and perfect gifts come from above and waiting patiently don't always go hand in hand.
But thanks to MySpace, I am reminded, yet again, why I am waiting. Today I got two messages from two men. One guy (we'll call him "The Shirtless Wonder") simply told me I was "gorgeous" and asked me if I wanted to have his baby. Hmm, Mr. Shirtless 22-year-old, tempting!! Thankfully, I have (in my past) anticipated such questions arising and thus established a policy against having complete strangers' babies. If not for that policy, his abs might have made me reply instead of delete.
The other man, we'll call him "Divorced Daddy," wrote a long, horribly punctuated run-on paragraph about all the pros of his character. It was both comical and pathatic all in one. The public school system failed him. Really. A 37 year-old-man should be able to construct sentences by now. Call me a jerk or a snob...but I do enjoy well contructed sentence every once and a while.
Yeah, waiting stinks. But MySpace taught me two more things today. One, my "MySpace" self is both intruging and hot (to at least some small, although pathetic, sector of the public); and two....keep waiting.