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Thursday, June 5, 2008

I know I'm no expert, but....

I am no dating expert by any means, but I've made some observations over the years. And just this past week, I have had about half a dozen discussions about dating or relationships.

I know for you married folks, this topic is mute. Hopefully, however, you can sympathize with the plight of all of us still in the throws of singledom.

So I decided to blog on the topic. I know how very popular and controversial it is, and, let's face it, we all like comments.

Words. They mean a lot, but unfortunately men and women speak two different languages it seems. I know, unbelievable, right?

For example, I have come to notice that Christian guys tend to use the term "sister" or "sis" or "friend" with a girl to signal that they are not interested in them romantically. If a guy uses such term, and you happen to like that said guy, this is the kiss of death for any hope of being asked out. (Guys, if this is not correct, feel free to let me know. However, the research I've done so far confirms this hunch.) AND if you are a guy using these terms with a girl you are interested in, you might want to stop. :)

Now, girls are more complicated. (Of course!) Most Christian girls I know are pretty scared of the whole "taking the lead" issue. So we tend to over-correct and give all kinds of wrong signals.

Take the "friend" word for example. If a lady would say (or write) something like "Hey friend! How are you?" it could mean two things. Friend could mean "friend" or it could mean "I don't want to come on too strong and draw attention to the fact that I like you a whole, whole lot, so I am going to call you 'friend' or 'brother' to cover my real feelings although I desperately hope you ask me out."
Sorry, guys, it is true (and probably in that many words TOO).

In our defense, however, I think girls are pretty obvious when they like a guy. Usually, girls can tell just by watching other girls who they like. Over the years, however, it has come to my understanding that guys can't read these signs. We are like an open book that you don't know how to read. I thought about sharing some "reading lessons" with you, but that is for another day.

Back to words. I think there are two short lessons here. Guys: if you want to let a girls know you are not interested you should use often terms like, "friend" "sis" and "sister". Ladies: If you like a boy, never use the term "friend" or "brother" just in case...

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