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Thursday, December 16, 2004

I've never been more homesick than now....

I'm so ready to go home and get away for a while. My last month has been horrible, and if I don't get some down time I will explode. It doesn't help that home can be just a crazy and stressful, but at least I can stop.

Christmas used to be a calming time. All the old carols about "peace on earth and good will toward men" and "silent night" have been replaced with "rockin' around the Christmas tree" and "grandma got run over by a reindeer." Apparently, even reindeer are in a hurry these days.

In our rushed and pushed society, I can see why so many people get the Christmas blues. Instead of forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt, we hold grudges, accuse, and look out for number one. How sad are we--caught up in the here and now? It makes me ashamed of myself, yet I keep giving into the tyranny of the urgent. I am yearning for a calming of the soul.

I’ve been yearning for Jesus to come more and more as I get older. This year, I must admit, I have prayed more than once that He would not terry. There is a song by MercyMe called “Homesick.” If you’ve never heard it, please listen to it. I can hear the strings and the music right now, It calms me.

Part of the chorus explains exactly what I have been feeling: “Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick than now.”

I feel so undeserving of anything good from the Lord. It is hard for me to accept His grace and gifts. It’s humbling because I know there is nothing in me that deserves it at all. But that’s grace--unmerited favor. I realize, I can only display the measure of grace to others that I have experienced myself. Hmm. The way I am feeling, it seems, I need to experience much more of God's grace.

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